Sister Friends: Special Bonds Between Women

“Sister Friends” are more than best friends.

Urban dictionary defines sister friends as “bestesting friends.”
Whether in “best” or in “testing” BFFs are bound with a special glue.

Notice the word “testing” in that strange word, “bestesting?” That’s because, when you’re sister friends, you go through thick and thin, easy times and testing times, through happy and mad and madder. You love them, you despise them. But you stay close.

And then, the most testing-est of all?

Sister friends tell you the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it. They tell you when your seam is ripped. When you forgot to zip up. When you forgot to zip your lips and you hurt someone. Mainly when you hurt them.

Because sister friends have your heart. They care enough to want you to be the best person you can be.

Sister Friends come when you call.

One day I sat in front of my sewing machine, and tears baptized the garment I stitched. Because the stitches of my heart were splitting from a truly cosmic size heart-quake. From someone I thought was a sister friend. I called a real sister friend, and she instantly dropped what she was doing. She walked right into my house without knocking and came to find me where I sat. There she knelt, on the floor beside me, and we talked. And wept. And she helped me look at the issue in the best way, which wasn’t the easy way. God isn’t done with the dross burning. But each time my thoughts go to that time, I recall the sheer friendship my sister friend gave me that day. 

Like Esther’s story in the Bible. Esther’s husband, the king, gave a great feast for Esther. At this feast he granted remission of taxes to his provinces and “gave gifts with royal generosity.” (Esther 2:18) This is what sister friends do. They grant repeal of hurts and mistakes and give feasts of love, kindness and joy with royal generosity.

It’s hard to “lose” Sister Friends

One of my sister friends moved out of state this week. She didn’t like what I wrote on her farewell card. “It’s not easy closing a chapter in life…” She wanted me to think of the new chapters we would still write, that the book wasn’t ending. No matter what the words were, though, this chapter of living near enough to meet for coffee on a whim was ending. The chapters where we sent our children to the same school, where our sons met to shoot baskets and play baseball, when we celebrated our children first jobs, when our children became Christians. Those chapters are over. We’re not ever going to throw away that book. We’ll always have the memories to warm us when we’re lonesome for those days. But… a new chapter has begun.

It’s hard to begin new chapters. It’s hard when friendships change.

It’s hard to make new Sister Friends.

When you’re young, you feel as if every new person you meet has the exciting potential of being a sister friend.

As you get older, your view of friendship changes. Your childhood friends will always be sister friends, no matter what. But it’s like your little black book gets fuller and fuller, as do other women’s, and there’s less and less room (time) for new sister friends.

However, every once in a while, someone comes along and becomes an accidental sister friend. In spite of the bursting black book, she gets added to the contact list. She’s a heart sister at first meeting.

And you wonder in awe at the gift God has chosen to give.

This happened to me last weekend. I met someone at my nephew’s wedding whom I had heard about and admired from afar. We began to share, and it wasn’t mere small talk. We instantly knew each other’s hearts and took shovels and excavated the deep parts right away. I wanted to tuck her in my suitcase and bring her home.

I’m sure we don’t see eye to eye on every issue. But the things we have in common overflowed the wood bucket and created a huge bonfire that still warms me as I write this.

Everyone can have Sister Friends.

Thanks to being women, and God created us to have unique gifts and talents, the sister friend pool is open to all. Some swim in the deep end, but others prefer the shallows. Some don’t want to swim, and lay their beach towel on the sidelines to bask in the warmth of the sun from their own little orbit.

Sometimes I worry that someone won’t have enough sister friends, or is getting left out of all the black books. But that isn’t how it is. One day our mood calls for a certain friend, but the next day, we need someone else’s talents.

Or someone else has sister friends who will never be my sister friend. And that’s okay. Because I know that if our paths merge, and God places us side-by-side, we will become sister friends. Because sister friends bond and mold to encompass all the good in other women. As long as there are women who love God, there are hearts that are open to new Sister Friends.

I thank God for Sister Friends,
and I thank God for you.