How To Adjust When Parents Remarry

It’s not easy to adjust when parents remarry.
So many emotions and changes occur that
affect the happiness we wish for our parent.
So how do we do this big thing?

 

I Object! How can I allow my Dad to remarry?

There are many reasons why adult children might have mixed feelings about their parent remarrying. For one thing, the very structure of the family changes. Half siblings might enter the picture, adding more grandchildren to divide the attentions of “your” grandparent. We could fear the changes, simply because we prefer things to stay the way they are. Or because we have genuine fear that our parent is entering a change he/she could come to regret. We just don’t want to see any more unhappiness and stress come their way, after finally moving on from the thing that changed our family before. It could be the death of a parent or divorce. Either one causes a lot of disruption, with many feelings to deal with.

In this post, we’ll talk about different aspects of the changes adult children have to adjust to when their parents remarry.

First, let’s look at the logistics of remarriage.

 

 

How To Adjust Logistically When Parents Remarry

Sometimes a remarriage causes the parents to move into a different house than either of them occupied before. Looking at it from one perspective, this seems as if it would be the best way.

Neither of them would bring a lot of their old life with them. They would take only the physical items that both of them could connect to, and the children would make new connections with that would represent their parents now.

There wouldn’t be the “Oh, that’s what she did with my mom’s dishes!” and have hurt feelings, thinking your mom wasn’t important in the stepmother’s opinion. No matter how Godly you strive to be, or how you think you’re thinking like an adult, the “child” will come out in you. It’s natural, and nothing to be ashamed of. (Unless it affects your growing love for the new stepmother.)

Always remember, a heart can add more and more love. There’s room for the love of past relationships, and room for the new. A heart willing to adjust can expand exponentially. The problems arise when we’re not willing to look at a situation with God’s love in our hearts.

With that thought in mind, how do we adjust logistically when the new couple remains living in the original home of one or the other?

 

 

Logistical Ideas to help ease the transition when parents remarry:

1. Sift through your parents’ home before the wedding.

   Your parent will do some of this, but you as children need to make a trip to the old home place and sort through the physical items of your past. There will be some things that mean to much to you as belonging to your former life, that you won’t want them to be a part of the future family life. Items that hold specific memories of the former life should be taken to your own homes, or given to the first parent if he/she wants it.

2. Remove everything that meant something to you as a child.

   Books, toys, furniture. If it was yours as a child, and means something to you still, take it home. If you don’t want it in your house, and it will hurt to see it in the new “home,” take it to Goodwill.

3. Choose carefully what you leave for the new parent.

   It may seem like perfectly good décor, dishes, or whatever it is on the wall or in the cabinets and closets. However, I think the best way to prep a home for the new couple is to box everything up that’s optional, and leave the home set up like a staged home you’re planning to sell. Minimal décor and almost empty cabinets and closets. Only keep the very best that will make the home appealing and move-in ready. Because the spouse has the same “best” items to bring to the mix.

4. Do this big logistical job for your parent, then step away.

   Once you have your parent’s home move-in ready, step away emotionally. Try your best not to leave any of your childhood issues and ideas of perfection behind when you’ve done this job and stepped into your parents’ future. You can try to do this by sheer willpower, but the best way to work the miracles of cleaning past slates is prayer. God can and will create in you a clean heart if you ask.

 

This is only one small aspect of adjusting when your parents remarry,

but we believe it can help in a way you may not have thought a lot about.

And if you have friends or loved ones (which is why I’m writing this) going through this transition,

share your wisdom or this article with them. They’ll appreciate knowing you understand their situation.