When God Burnt My Offering and Other Gideon Thoughts
When God Burnt My Offering,
when I gave all I had to give,
it was Gideon thoughts that helped
to make sense of my desperation and despair.
So there he was.
Going about his business, trying to separate the wheat from the chaff,
hiding in the winepress to save his harvest from pillaging enemies.
(And kind of hiding from God. Not sure if he really understood what God wanted of him.)
Gideon was smart and used his wits to help his family survive.
He did it gladly and with his might. God knew He could use a man like that.
Then, suddenly,
there was an angel
sitting under an oak tree watching Gideon.
But Gideon didn’t know he was an angel. He said, “Hold on while I get you something to eat.”
Because he came from a long line of people who were known as supreme hosts.
The angel waited. Knowing what Gideon didn’t; that the meal would turn out to be an offering.
An offering that proved to Gideon once and for all that he was to lead God’s people.
The angel (God) didn’t want a meal, He wanted Gideon’s offering, his dedication.
His service.
The angel wanted Gideon to step up and become the man he was meant to be.
Gideon came hurrying with his generous meal,
and the angel said, “Put it on the rock.”
Weird. What about on the table? To sit down and eat together?
Gideon put it on the rock. The angel touched it with his rod
and God burnt his offering.
And now Gideon had his sign. God graciously gave Gideon the proof he needed.
That he could indeed be the man God needed in that hour.
I was good at hiding in the winepress,
doing the work at hand,
which meant pouring my all into trying to “fix”
whatever was wrong with my unhappy, discouraged teenage daughter.
Not realizing the truth.
That she didn’t need to be fixed,
that God made her who and how He wanted her to be,
and I was wasting my energy.
I was not allowing God to help us be who we were meant to be.
So my determination and immense effort didn’t work for me, much less for her.
One day, in desperation, I threw myself facedown before God.
The rough carpet scratching my face, I promised, “Anything, God.”
I’ll bake unleavened cakes. I’ll bring you flesh. Fill a vessel with broth.
Whatever I can do, I’ll do it. If only you’ll take this burden of despair,
turn this constant losing of battles into wins. Rid me of my enemy of hopelessness.
So there I was.
Watching
as God burnt my offering.
Sent it up in flames.
And I thought, like Gideon, that I would die, because I was coming face to face with God.
Not only the heathen, even God’s people also, in those days thought they had to die if they came face to face with God.
But God told Gideon, “Peace be unto you. You will not die.” (Judges 6:23)
So then, like Gideon finally catching on,
I sat up
lifted my face
dried my tears
God quietly said, (and I barely heard it)
“Just keep doing.”
That’s all. “Just keep doing.”
When I didn’t have any energy left to do.
When I thought I had done all I could.
Yes. Keep doing.
Little things, hidden away in the winepress.
He’ll separate the chaff from the wheat. He’ll keep me safe from my enemies.
As long as I keep doing.
My despair didn’t leave immediately.
The burdens still weighed me down.
Yet slowly, oh, so slowly, as I kept doing,
the scene changed from hiding in the winepress
to drinking from my hands with an army.
An army of sisters in faith who had my back.
Who knew what it was like to fight enemies,
even though theirs were different enemies,
and wanted to help in any way they could.
I just had to keep doing.
And believing I was the person God had picked to do this honorable thing
of mothering a daughter with autism
and its comorbid mood disorders.
Read more about our Autism Journey:
Anticipate The Great: 10 Direction Points On The Autism Journey
Journey to Graduation, The Typical and the Not So Typical
10 Travel Tips To Help Navigate The ASD Journey
Spectator at Life In A World That Doesn’t Make Sense
A Reality Check on the Journey to Patience
