Happy Birthday In Heaven, Mom: Honoring Parents
Happy Birthday In Heaven, Mom:
It will be so much more than any you had on earth.
Honoring parents is a Biblical commandment
and a privilege.
Honor thy father and mother;
… that it may be well with you,
and thou mayest live long upon the earth.
This Sunday would have been my mother’s 100th birthday. Instead, she’s celebrating her second birthday in Heaven. We miss her so much, but she lived a long and satisfying life. It would be selfish to want her to live on, when life got lonelier for her as she got older. And at the end, cooped up in her care home because of the pandemic. Mostly deaf and blind.
Besides, the mother we wanted was the one who seemed as if she could hear every word that was spoken, even in a room cram-full of her noisy children. Actually, the conversation you didn’t want her to hear was the one she zeroed in on. When you were telling your sister the embarrassing thing you did in school that day. Or throwing a birthday party for you because she heard you jealously mention your friend’s party. You thought a party was silly at your advanced age, but secretly you were thrilled. Did she know it, though? Come to think of it, most likely the message she got was the embarrassed disapproval.
Today, I hope she was like I am. When my children get embarrassed of me, and believe me, they do, I mostly think it’s funny. How they feel doesn’t hurt my feelings, unless it’s something that was actually bad. And then my conscience is way harder on me than their reaction!
Because the truth is,
when parents embarrass their children,
it’s usually an unnecessary feeling on the children’s part. It doesn’t matter in the big picture. Your parent has every right to wear that bling-y dress she wouldn’t have worn 20 years ago. It’s okay if he tells the same story over and over, because it really is a good story.
Even when he shows up in the same shirt day after day, you don’t have to be embarrassed. The feeling you need to act on is making the necessary changes that show you care about his well-being. If the shirt isn’t getting washed, he needs someone to do his washing. These are embarrassments you can likely fix.
Go ahead and feel embarrassed.
But then laugh about it.
It matters so minutely in the big scheme of things.
My friend and her husband were genuinely upset, and feeling bad about it. Because of the pandemic they put off having her dad’s memorial service. So now, over a year later, they are having the family come together. And in the meantime, there’s a new man in her mother’s life.
When she told me her mom was bringing her new man to her dad’s memorial, I burst out laughing. Then I slapped a hand over my mouth. She said, “Don’t feel bad. We’re laughing, too, when we’re not disgusted.”
Her husband took mom shopping for new clothes because suddenly she didn’t have anything to wear, when she hadn’t bought new clothes for years. Then the store she chose was “full of bling” and she came home with 5 new pieces in a style she never wore before! My friend’s husband said, feeling hurt for their dad, “She’s got this schoolgirl giddiness she never showed for Dad.”
The next step: smile and go on with life.
Dad is gone, and he probably got the giddiness before you were around.
My friend understands that, and I love her for recognizing her feelings and moving on. For accepting her “new” mom and giving her room to be who she wants to be. At 90 years old, mom won’t be able to hang on to the giddiness very long. (Her heart would probably give out.)
And even if your relationship is practically switched (from being the recipient of her care to her being the recipient of your care) there’s still the Biblical commandment.
I respect my parents simply because they were my parents.
And I’m so glad I finally got mature enough to realize that before they left us.
And since I can’t get on a time machine and go back to wishing Mom an earthly Happy Birthday,
Happy Birthday in Heaven, Mom.
I know you’ll enjoy it more
than anyone could on earth.
