Choose Facts Over Feelings: Emotions Can Lie

Choose Facts Over Feelings:
Your emotions can lie to you.
Validate feelings by proving the facts
with God’s indelible Truth in His Word.

 

 

It was getting later and later

and all of us were beyond weary.

Our five year old was inconsolable.

In spite of at least 3 hugs from each his daddy and I, he still could not settle.

“Hug, Mommy!” he whined, arms raised.

I sucked in my exhausted impatience.

What was going on here? Why was this precious child feeling so insecure in spite of hugs and promises of love, then more hugs, kisses and assurances?

I thought over the day. Had something happened? Were there some negative family vibes he was absorbing?

We’d been working on his whiny attitude, and he tried hard. There’d been a couple of incidents during the day when he needed reminding, but I felt my discipline was careful and loving. No angry words, which is more than could be said of some days.

So what was troubling his little mind?

I breathed a prayer for guidance, then asked him, “Does it feel as if Mommy and Daddy don’t love you?”

“Ye-e-sss,” he hiccupped on another sob.

My heart jumped. How could my little boy feel unloved, after all our assurances?

Then I had an inspiration.

I thought about

the deception of feelings, and how often they lie to us.

I knew I loved my son with all my heart. For him to feel unloved was simply untrue.

“Honey,” I began, “remember how Mommy read stories to you this afternoon while we waited for brother and sister to get home from school?”

He nodded, still weeping.

“And remember when Daddy came home from work and he gave you a bike ride around the block before dinner?”

His tears slowed slightly as he listened.

“You know, son, if Daddy and Mommy didn’t love you, we wouldn’t do these things for you. I wouldn’t make healthy meals for you or help you with your bath if I didn’t love you. We do these things because we love each other.

Sometimes we have to help each other remember to be good. When you can’t stop whining, or don’t obey us, the things we do don’t feel like love. But it is, because if we didn’t love you, we wouldn’t want to help you.”

He listened intently now, his brow crinkling in thought. Then a slow smile curved his lips.

He got it! Somehow, in the muddle of my words, he understood what my heart tried to say.

He relaxed, closed his eyes and went to sleep.

 

Make sure you look at facts, not feelings.

Our feelings need to be validated, but validation is not merely nodding and saying, “I understand how you feel,”

Validation is checking to make sure the feelings aren’t lies.

It’s looking beyond the appearance of a situation,

and naming the truths one by one, until the lies have to flee.

Then grab those truths with both fists and hang on.

 

There’s scientific study on this:

”
Many things may produce an emotional response.
Some are in the moment, others are from our past, and many people get destabilized worrying about the uncertain future. Still other emotions may be a response to mere fantasies, lies we tell ourselves that make us needlessly unhappy. They may also be a result of misunderstandings. There is no end to the amount of feeling (both positive and negative) that flows through our lives on a daily basis; the trick is to learn how to differentiate between feelings that are born out of our imagination and those that are real and verifiable.
”
Barton Goldsmith, PH.D., Psychology Today

 

But more important,

the Bible is the ultimate truth.

Read God’s Word to validate feelings, because the Word never lies.

 

”
There is therefore now no condemnation
for those who are in Christ Jesus.
For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus
from the law of sin and death.
”
Romans 8:1-2

 

”
As an example of suffering and patience, brothers,
take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.
Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast.
You have heard of the steadfastness of Job,
and you have seen the purpose of the Lord,
how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.
”
James 5:10-11

 

God wants us to be happy.

Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

More important than temporal happiness in our lives, God wants us to experience eternal happiness.

A parent understands the concept, proven by the choices you make. What’s more important? Your child’s temporary happiness by gratifying their wish for something they see in the checkout line, or their long term happiness by teaching them self-control?

Measure your choice of feelings against the Truth of God’s Word.

 

 

NOTE: The inspiration for this post, and the story, came from my niece, Carla. She is a mommy after God’s own heart.