7 Reasons Christian Women Feel Inadequate
Only 7 reasons Christian women feel inadequate?
Probably not. Likely there are as many reasons as there are women.
Let’s discuss God’s antidotes to feeling less-than.
This week Mr. K read “Sidney and Norman, A Tale of Two Pigs” to one of our g’littles. And so, with the book right here, handy to read, we later read the author’s why. Phil Vischer readily admits to patterning Norman, the “good” pig, after himself. He says his wife identifies with Sidney, the pig who can’t seem to measure up. While Mr. Vischer wants to caution us on the two extremes, and be aware of our attitudes, he warns us not to go about placing everyone we know into one of the two pig’s characters.
That being said, Mr. K and I spent the remainder of the evening having fun doing just that. We proclaimed someone we thought about as a “Norman” while someone else was more of a “Sydney.”
However, it’s not that simple, is it?
Because someone may outwardly appear to be a Norman, yet mostly go about inwardly feeling like a Sydney. And I wonder how I know that. Sigh.
Why Would Christian Women Feel Inadequate?
It seems that “Christian” and “inadequacy” is an oxymoron. Because when we accept Christ in our lives, we accept the best and purest love. Feeling that all-encompassing love surely can’t leave room for feeling less than, can it?
Unfortunately, it often does. Because we don’t go from accepting Christ to being just like Him in one magic moment. Rather, becoming Christlike is a process. A process that includes eliminating the reasons we feel inadequate, one by one. And then, perhaps, beginning again if we fall back into wrong thinking.
7 Reasons A Christian Woman Feels Inadequate
It’s important to note that feelings of inadequacy are usually subjective and influenced by many different factors. Here are seven that stand out:
- Comparison with Others: Comparing yourself to others, can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
- Unrealistic Standards: Christian women might feel pressured to meet certain ideals of virtue, modesty, and submission.
- Cultural Expectations: Cultural or church-based expectations of a woman’s role, such as being a wife, mother, or homemaker, can raise feelings of inadequacy if a woman feels she doesn’t fit these molds.
- Spiritual Growth: If a Christian woman feels she’s not growing spiritually as quickly as she thinks she should, she might perceive herself as failing to measure up.
- Perceived Lack of Contribution: A woman can feel she isn’t contributing significantly to her church or community, thus not fulfilling her role as a Christian.
- Personal Failures: Past mistakes, sins, or regrets might make a Christian woman feel unworthy of God’s love or the acceptance of her Church family.
- Inadequate Self-Care: Christian women often place the needs of others over their own, neglecting self-care. This can lead to exhaustion and discouragement.
1. Comparison With Others
Yep, the biggie, first thing. Comparing yourself to others. Areas that women feel less than usually fall into the categories of physical appearance, achievements or the lack of, and making assumptions about our spiritual growth versus peers. Raise your hand if you’ve never fallen into these traps. Unsurprisingly, no hands will go up in a group of Christian women.
Because in our efforts to acquire Godly virtues we tend to look around us, pick out someone as our ideal Christian woman, and try to attain her success. Take note that our ideal woman is a perception. We usually don’t know the actual life circumstances she deals with and what her feelings of inadequacy might be. Because everyone has those areas, and we do well to be realistic. We can strive to achieve certain virtues, but not so that we are like our hero. It should be so we can be the best version of ourselves.
We have to switch our glance from others to seeing only God as our ideal.
God’s antidote: “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.” 2 Cor. 3:5 kjv
2. Unrealistic Standards
The trifecta for Christian women: virtue, modesty and submission, can cause some real pressure. These are challenging to attain when our natural tendencies fall far short of our wishes. Our “Sydney” gets in the way of our ideas of perfection. And then feelings of inadequacy flood in.
As a newly married wife, and then young mom, longing for Christian virtues gave me some really intense feelings of inadequacy. I’d hear that “Miranda,” in spite of having a newborn, visited a sick friend in the hospital, then went to their house and got all the laundry to wash and returned it to the family with a platter of fresh cookies. Seriously? I never even thought of it, never mind had the energy, to be so virtuous. It never occurred to me that I was much older than Miranda when we started our family. Or that I might have been doing other virtuous things, perhaps writing Sunday School lessons for our Church’s publications.
Be real. Sort out and value the virtues God allotted to you. You’ll never have them all.
God’s antidote: “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised..” Proverbs 31:30 kjv
3. Cultural Expectations
Christian culture traditionally seems to instill in women the desire to marry, have a beautiful home and well-behaved, high-performing children. If this rises to un-Biblical expectations it becomes open season for Christian women to feel inadequate. God does see these as desirable for women, but from the beginning of time, He has created women with individual talents and personalities. He created Deborah, a warrior; Philip’s 4 daughters, all prophets and seemingly, all single; Lydia, a successful entrepreneur; and Jael, an assassin. If God wanted exactly the same thing for every woman, He would have created us all alike.
So cut yourself some slack. Live your true, honest, best self that God intended.
God’s antidote: “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4: 11-13 kjv
4. Spiritual Growth
Everyone goes through the various stages of life at different ages. These stages develop our characters and our level of experience. For example, we work our way through single life, newlywed, new parent, parents of teens, and so on. Some women reach certain stages at a younger age than their peers. So a girl who becomes a mom at twenty is going to know some things sooner than a woman who has her first child at thirty.
That’s sort of how spiritual growth works, also. If a woman surrender her life to Christ in midlife, she’ll feel like a babe in the woods spiritually compared to someone who got saved as a teen. Which can lead to frustration if she feels she’s not growing spiritually as fast as she thinks she should.
My friend lived a lot of life before she met the Lord. I admire her gratitude for her life now compared to what it was, and her fresh, enthused attitude about digging into the Word. And yet, she often feels as if the things she struggles with are so childish compared to others. I hope we convey our acceptance of her well enough that she won’t throw up her hands in despair.
In God’s eyes, we’re all at the same level. Right next to His heart.
God’s antidote: “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 kjv
5. Perceived Lack of Contribution
As mentioned in the previous section, we’re all at different stages of life at different times. And some of those stages lend themselves to reaching out to others, while certain stages keep you too occupied to do the Lydia or Dorcas thing. A young couple beginning a family while starting a business won’t have as many chances to reach the masses with the salvation story as a dedicated, single missionary.
I’ve heard young moms say they feel as if they’re disappointing God in their small lives with tiny people as their only mission field. However, that is one of the most important missions in life, isn’t it? To raise secure, carefree kids who can grow up to successfully contribute in the Kingdom. And besides, moms go to the grocery store, the post office, Target… that’s where the masses take note of the Christian mom serenely (mostly) managing her littles as she smiles hello to the lady beside her buying bananas.
Even if you feel as if you’re going bananas while buying bananas, you are contributing the part God has given you. And others will notice.
God’s antidote: “God loveth a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:” 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 kjv
6. Past Failures Leave Christian Women Feeling Inadequate
Sadly, this reason for feeling inadequate as a Christian is a huge devil’s playground. It’s where Central Park meets Six Flags. Or Disney World marries Edmonton Mall. No matter which ride you choose, you end up back down on the ground. Sometimes with your head in a bucket, retching miserably.
Don’t make a habit of elaborating on the myriad memories of past mistakes, and the past sins committed in arrogance or ignorance. The regrets of that former life can cause a Christian woman to feel totally unworthy of God’s love. Which leads her to wonder how her Church family, or anyone, can ever respect and accept her.
Nope. Just no. Don’t pull out the postcards of your past. You are here, right now, just as worthy as the saint in the front pew.
God’s antidote: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 kjv
7. Inadequate Self-Care
For some reason, as Christian women, we revere the Marthas in life. The one who bustles about making sure everyone has a full cup of coffee, dessert on their plate after 3 helpings of main course, a throw to cuddle up in and stay warm, basking in a personal sparkling halo of contentment. Because Martha remembers to uplift everyone for whatever good they have in them. We all want to be that person. The one who spreads joy in every space she occupies.
Even though we know that continually prioritizing others’ needs above our own is supremely taxing, we want to do it anyway. The physical, emotional, or mental exhaustion brought on by constantly reaching out can cause Christian women to feel hopelessly inadequate.
Remember Mary. Jesus told Martha the things she accomplished were all good in their time, but there came a time to sit at His feet and renew her spirit. Don’t neglect caring for your inner self.
God’s antidote: “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.” Psalms 51:10-12 kjv
Addressing the Reasons Christian Women Feel Inadequate
It’s so important to be upfront if you feel inadequate. Don’t let your inner Norman subdue your Sydney for fear of reproach, lest Sydney have no hope of measuring up ever again. Reach out to trusted family, friends or mentors. Your minister is there to help; likely he knows more about your inner struggles than you’d ever imagine. So there’s no reason to duck and try to cover. Christian women feel inadequate? No more.
Remember that each woman’s journey is unique. It’s essential to find ways to embrace your worthiness in God’s eyes. God identifies you. Jesus identifies with you.
Regardless of perceived shortcomings, every woman is beloved in the sight of God.
