10 Travel Tips To Help Navigate The ASD Journey

10 Travel Tips for your ASD Journey.
To know the plan, what and how it will likely happen
are important for someone on the Autism Spectrum.

The endless summer is over.  Everywhere, the crisp air announces the changing of the seasons.

It’s time to ease into routine once more.  People on the ASD journey welcome this change. The looseness of summer scheduling is hard for most on the spectrum. They much prefer to know what’s planned, what will happen, and how it will happen. Routine is their friend.

It is best for someone on the autism spectrum not to be forced into a lot of change, or at least, any quick change. Changes should be planned well in advance of any event, if possible, with drills and practice runs of what will be happening. Easing into change is the best case scenario.

Which makes me think of things I have learned that make change easier.  The writer of a blog (no longer online in 2024), Anna, reveals her first hand experience, and her input gives me confidence. The ASD journey can be very confusing, and there is no official roadmap.  Living with autism is a continual quest for direction with no guarantees that you’ll end up at the place you were headed for. But by constantly adjusting the endpoints, you can arrive at a great place.

10 Tips to Ease The ASD Journey

• A hard thing with autism is eye contact.  Don’t force eye contact.  There are so many people who just can’t understand this, and even my daughter’s doctor tells her to practice eye contact as much as possible. He is supposed to understand.  He is supposed to help her understand why she can do eye contact sometimes, but that it’s okay not to force it.  It is so much better to keep the eyes in a safe place, and make a quick but respectful exit, if necessary.  In all the doctors we have seen, not one has ever had sympathy for how she feels.  They all want to tell her how she should feel, and how she should try to feel.  If you want medical opinions on this aspect, read this.  For a more people-friendly explanation, this might help more.
• Emotions and feelings are so hard to interpret.  Don’t take everything the person with ASD says the way it sounds, and certainly don’t take anything that is said personal.  It may be meant personal, and hurtful things often come from a person who lives with anxiety as a constant, but do not take it personal.  Always give room for the emotion and impulse of a moment that may change quickly.
• Listen with your heart, and not just your ears.  Be cool and analytical in conversation, and never return fire with fire.  Wait until the storm is over to discover what was really going on, or at least, ask questions that may help you understand.  It very likely has nothing to do with what was being said, or what you thought was going on.  It is probably a reaction to something she is dealing with that she hasn’t yet figured out how to talk about, or hasn’t had the time to work through.  This poem describes perfectly some of the reasons reactions are unexpected (Written by Anonymously Autistic):

• Try not to put her on the spot, or require answers to questions quickly.  Be patient.  Wait for the right time.  Don’t push for fast promises or decisions.  Plant the seed, then wait for it to grow.  Tomorrow or next week the topic may come up again, and a satisfactory conclusion made.
• This next one is hard to describe.  Your behavior is what matters, and your actions, facial expression and body language are what counts.  She cannot sense what is in your heart, because she can’t read faces or understand sarcasm.  She takes things at face value, so it is important to squash any emotions you feel about something else before you address her.  Explain carefully that what you look like and how you feel right now does not have anything to do with her.  I can’t stress this enough.  If you can’t hide what you’re feeling that doesn’t involve her, she misunderstands. and thinks the vibes are directed at her. After explaining many times, her head gets it, but not her heart.  So be careful, and always be kind.  Even when she can’t return that kindness.
• Don’t force her to have a social life, because chances are she feels its absence very keenly.  She doesn’t understand her neurotypical peers. Thinks she’s participating correctly when she’s actually missing some cues. She could be taken advantage of or ignored.  She will be left to agonize, and wonder what she did wrong.  Encourage her to have one or two friends, and not necessarily from her peer group.  Someone younger or older may fit the friendship ticket better than a peer, who can only talk about doing things she wishes she could do successfully.
• Approve, praise, and under-gird fragile emotions.  Make a list of ways to make her life better, and read it often.  Remind yourself of what works, and things you’ve discovered that don’t work.
• If you can’t stay on top of this pinnacle (and you won’t) take a break to refresh, before you engage in communication.  It is too easy to break down what took time to build up, so do the best thing for both of you.  Take breaks, because you have to stay on top of it.  No whining allowed.
• Encourage volunteering, if she isn’t successfully holding a job.  Kim spends hours helping Miss Anita, the equine-therapist where she learned to ride.  Kim doesn’t like to ride that much, but she loves helping lead and saddle the horses for the young riders, leaving Miss Anita to instruct.
• When her comparison virus sets in, and volunteering isn’t enough, encourage her to find a job.  Searching for a job and researching the options will help cure the virus, because she will probably decide that volunteering does work so much better.  Don’t demand she have a job, if you know it will set her up for overwhelm and eventual fail.  Do encourage her, however, to slowly work towards that goal.  Assure her that when the time is right, she will find the job of her dreams.

Find Joy in your ASD Journey

You may be asking what is great in this scenario, but believe me, there are good things to anticipate.

Compared to your other children, you feel you’re lowering the bar, but you aren’t.  They are not the same people, and each person deserves to have their own bar.

I realize having said this, that there are times to encourage and work toward a higher zone.  This applies when the capability and the right timing for the child is there, and not just your desire.

So the Great Thing is finding joy in her comfort zone, without anticipating more than today. Because her key to joy is believing she’s enough for you.

Read more Autism Journey posts.

Have you struggled with something that makes it difficult to accept your TODAY?

Please share your tips, and tell us what you have discovered for easing your journey.

You can email us at kimenink@gmail.com to share privately.